ADJUSTING TO TWO KIDS

The other day I was watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians, I know, don't judge, and Kim said something that resonated with me. In conversation with her mom, she said they were talking about having multiple kids and she mentioned that her mom said "one kid is one, two kids are like twenty." I couldn't agree more!

Isn't it funny how life changes so drastically from no kids, to one kid, to two kids? Now Jack and I say how easy it was with one kid and when we had one kid, we thought our lives were complicated and rushed. We had no idea what was in store for us.

This is not to say that we don't love our kids more than anything in this world, but boy it's challenging. Being working parents and truly always rushing through life is hard! Our kids are almost four years apart and though this may seem like a long gap to some, I find that this is perfect for us. Elliot helps us in small ways but huge to us. Now that Oliver is rolling over like a roly poly, forgetting a diaper when changing him is an accident waiting to happen. I'll ask Elliot to bring me one and those small favors are awesome!

The harder parts are when although Elliot is older, he still doesn't understand why Oliver needs a little more attention sometimes, or how come I don't have eight arms. If you're a mother to more than one, you know that when your kids need something at the same time and screaming for it is like grabbing a baseball bat, laying your forehead on it, then spinning it on the ground twenty times then trying to get stuff done after. Okay maybe a little extreme but sometimes it feels that way.

Also, brotherhood ensues. Elliot will be lying down drinking milk and Oliver is next to him pulling on his cup, or his hair, or his shirt, or whatever he can get his little hands on and Elliot will whine and complain that his brother is bothering him. It always makes me laugh and I secretly love it. Then other days, Elliot will pretty much lay his entire body on top of Oliver to kiss and hug him and I have to remind him that Oliver is still so little and fragile. If he knew what's to come as siblings! For us as well since they are both still so little and we've been doing this two kid thing for a very short period of time.

Now that Oliver is seven months old, I feel that we have found a groove that works for us. We have our morning routines during the week down finally and we each know exactly what we need to do. Same thing with coming home and bed time. It took us a while to figure it out and things still get out of control sometimes, we are still always rushing, but for the most part, we have a pretty good routine. It's all about doing what works for your family and definitely having a schedule to do things, especially for you kids' bedtime routine, we put Oliver to bed an hour to an hour and half before Elliot to be able to spend time with him one on one. Having support from your significant other is so important. If I make dinner, Jack cleans up, if he makes dinner, I clean up. Little things like that matter so much when it comes to keeping your sanity. These two boys are the best of brothers and love each other so much, makes all of the craziness definitely so worth it! I'm sure this will have to change again as our kids get older, but for now, this is what works for us. If you want to know more about our routines, let me know!

WHY I'M A WORKING MOM

About four years ago, when I was pregnant with Elliot, another manager in my company approached me and asked me if I planned to stay home after giving birth. I said no, I needed to work for myself and because I actually had to as my husband and I needed the income.

After having Elliot, the same manager, came to my office and told me "why don't you quit and stay home with your baby? You should be home with him" Honestly, I really did want to. I was a new mom and I wanted to be home with my baby, but it wasn't something we could do. We struggled in the beginning of our marriage, we both had low paying jobs and could barely afford rent for a 500 sq ft apartment. Once we both found our careers, it's something we wanted and needed to keep going to be able to purchase a home and have a stable source of income from both sides.

Anyway, fast forward to my maternity leave with Oliver. I really, really prayed and wished I could stay home. This time it hit me really hard! Why couldn't I? We could make it work right? Four months at home with two kids taught me that in order for ME, (MYSELF, I am not speaking for anyone else here) to have a balanced life, a happy life, I need to work. I never thought these words would come out of my mouth! Of course there are days when I would LOVE to be home with them to make them breakfast, play with them, care for them and I'm sure I'm going to always have those days because I always miss them like crazy, but working makes me feel so good. It might sound selfish but think about it this way, working makes me happy, which in return, makes my kids happy because their mom is happy. Does that make sense? I'm not sure if I'm cut out to be a stay at home mom because that job is freaking hard. The HARDEST. My hat is off to you ladies who are stay at home moms.

Of course there's that other little thing about having to work called bills, mortgage, car payment that matters too. I'm not one of those moms who could make it work. My husband and I have talked about it, put numbers on paper, and right now is just not feasible for us and I'm okay with that. This probably plays a big part in why this is my mentality and the way I feel, but if and when finances allowed, I would still give this whole SAHM good and long thought.

The other day I read a post (from a working mom) (!!!) that she didn't want to pay daycare to raise her kids anymore. Say what?! I cannot believe that in this day and age, moms still think that, about themselves nonetheless! I certainly do not think that daycare is raising my kids at all. We teach them morals, values, and give them guidance and love at home.

As women, we are allowed to have careers and we are still fully capable of raising kids that are smart, strong and have good morals. It's a matter of balancing career and home life, and being able to spend quality time by making time for the things that matter. The dishes can wait till the end of the day so we can play with our kids. Laundry can take one more tumble in order for us to read our kids a book at bed time (let's be real it stays there overnight most of the time). Weekend chores can wait till next weekend to be able to catch a Sunday baseball game or a zoo trip. Elliot is more than happy when I sit down on the floor with him and play cars, "mens" as he calls playing with little superhero figures, his Peppa Pig house or help him make a Lego castle out of the tiniest Lego's in all of the land while Oliver plays on his play mat or he's on my lap while Elliot shows him his toys. I still completely suck at it sometimes and lose my shit, but my kids are happy and healthy (and alive!!). This mom and parent thing is hard no matter what you do and how you do it, but it is the best in the world! We do talk about me staying home with the kids one day, but we will see what the future has in place for us!

C-SECTION RECOVERY & WHY I CHOSE IT AGAIN

I'm pretty sure that if you've had a c-section, you've read all these ridiculous articles about being less of a mom if you had one. I am also pretty sure that it's something we definitely didn't have in mind when having our first baby. It's not really something you choose the first time around. I think that in these articles, other judgmental moms think that we said "Yes! Please cut me open to get my baby out, no biggie" Right? I know I didn't.

I think that this is because we have instilled in our heads as a society that birth entails unmedicated, painful, pushing, sweating mother, husband by her side, legs up in the air birth.

I have written about my birth experience with my oldest son. I had an emergency c-section due to his heart rate dropping with every contraction. It's not something I chose, not what I had in mind, but something I immediately agreed to upon hearing that my baby was in distress. Recovery wasn't easy but I did it.

With my second pregnancy, I was so torn between a VBAC and a second c-section. I truly wanted to experience that other side of birth. The pushing, getting your baby right away for skin to skin, no doctor cutting you in half and being able to be released sooner.

When I asked my doctor if a natural delivery was possible he said I was a good candidate for it, the only downside was that it wouldn't be at my hospital of choice and not with my doctor. If I went into labor, I would have to go in and go with the doctor on call for that day. I was uncomfortable with that. Going to a brand new doctor, in a new hospital to deliver my baby just didn't feel right to me. Also, I could still end up having a c-section and to me, it just didn't make any sense to make that decision.

I ended up scheduling a second c-section. I wrote about that experience in this post. The funny thing is that I delivered two weeks early and I was so glad to have gone with the choice I made. I went to my hospital and was already registered. My doctor was called in right away and the process was pretty smooth.

I will say that recovery with a second c-section was a lot harder for me. I knew exactly what to expect but it was very painful and it took me a very long time to recover. Some key things I did were to not lift ANYTHING heavy, the only thing I was allowed to pick up was my baby. Jack, my mom and sister were so adamant about this and really helpful. I didn't carry the car seat anywhere, I didn't pick Elliot up at all (I felt awful about this) and took it really slow. I gave myself the time to recover though this statement is not entirely true as there's almost no way to do that with two kids, I'll say I did this as much as I could under the circumstances. It was much easier with Elliot since I was able to rest a ton. During this time with Oliver, I was so glad to have an extra four weeks off. My incision would not heal in the middle and it was driving me insane! Finally with the help of Neosporin and saline spray it closed after about 4.5 months. Take care of your incision, always keep it clean and dry! Say YES to help. It might make you feel like you should be doing everything, but you're recovering from surgery. Say yes!! Lie down with your baby and relax! I would throw a movie on or play with Elliot's toys on our bed while holding my baby. The most important, enjoy your tiny baby! Smell them, hold them, kiss them and stare at them all day. They grow out of that stage way too fast.

I am finally at the point where I can do mild workouts which are much needed in my case for energy and weight loss. This second pregnancy and recovery from delivery were the most difficult, but as any mama would say, it was all worth it and would do it all over again!

If anyone tells you that you're less of a mother because you had a c-section and you "didn't do it the natural and real way" do NOT listen to them! You were cut open! Things such as sneezing and coughing felt like lying on a bed of nails and recovering from this while caring for a baby is hard. Walking, lying down, sitting up seem impossible at first and taking a shower? PAINFUL. Your husband isn't able to be there with you when you go through the epidural or spinal tap process to hold you or tell you it's going to be okay through painful contractions. The way you birth your kids should not matter. What matters is how we raise them and how we love them and guide them through life!



If you're going to have a c-section, do not be scared. Yes it's painful and scary but you can do it!! :)