ELLIOT'S FIFTH BIRTHDAY

As I typed in the title, it's crazy to think that Elliot is five years old. He's in Pre-K right now and only attends for three hours a day, but soon he will be in Kinder all day. That just blows my mind.

We asked him what he wanted to do this year and what the theme for his party should be, and he immediately said pirates. Perfect! He also said he wanted to go to Peter Piper Pizza and to be honest, I was so glad! I didn't have to worry about the food this time, or the entertainment. We invited just the family to celebrate and Elliot truly had the best time with his cousins. I did want more quality time with him and the family, we went back to our house to have cake and ice cream. This gave everyone the chance to talk and play and indulge in some Mexican candy!

Elliot is the most caring and loving boy. He worries so much about his feelings and those of others. If someone isn't happy, he makes sure to say the right thing to them to try to cheer them up. If Jack or I get mad at him, he says "don't be mad at me!" He will say "mama!" when I scold him and he will smile the biggest smile to make up with me. How can I say no to that! He's growing into an amazing little boy. The things he does and says everyday amaze us. He's so so smart and the most rational kid. He's just like his mama, if something doesn't make sense, he questions it till he finds out why. He needs to know the reason for things that happen, and asks a million questions about everything. I love that about him.

He hugs his brother and tells him he loves him constantly. From everything he does or says, this warms and melts my heart the most. I am so happy that he loves his brother unconditionally, I tell him that he always has to take care of him. He's the best big brother. Watching their relationship is beautiful! We love him so much!

If you need sources for anything seen, please let me know!

OLIVER'S FIRST BIRTHDAY

I am about three months late on this post, but here it is. My one year old's birthday party. We kept it to just family, as we wanted to do something super simple for him but still fun and cute. I have ALWAYS wanted to do a circus/clown party and this was the perfect opportunity since he still can't pick what he likes. ;)

I love how everything turned out and I think my favorite thing about it all was the cake!

Prepare for a photo dump of his little party. If you need sources for anything seen on here please let me know!

This little boy will eat everything and anything you put in front of him, including non-edibles, Jack and I have to be so careful and always make sure the floors are clean. We had to take his smash cake away from him, he would have probably finished it. He's so smart, when he sees that something is trash, like a big piece of paper, he's starting to throw stuff in the garbage. At almost sixteen months, he says so many words and is the funniest little boy. His big brother is the only one who can make him laugh so hard that he spits his food out.

He loves so hard especially his big brother, but will come up to Jack and I and hug us and give us his big slobbery kisses. We love this baby boy so much!

Thank you for reading!

Back to Work Reality

I think that for me, the hardest part of being a mom is having to leave my kids at daycare everyday. I keep saying this, I know, but it's true. Even on the day that I was at the hospital ready to have Oliver, the thing that came to mind was, I have four months off then I have to go back to work. It's not enough time.

I actually knew I would feel this way, and the feeling kind of went away as I spent time with my kids. Some days though, it was overwhelming and I found myself in tears while nursing Oliver, or watching my kids sleep, getting up in the morning to make breakfast for Elliot. I felt this way because I knew that once back at work, these things would be harder to do, but then I knew I would be okay because I would learn to cherish those moments even more.

While I was out on FMLA, I wanted to make sure that I stayed in touch with people at work, I felt that this would make for an easier transition as this happened before with Elliot. I didn't stay in contact with anyone and when I was abruptly sent back into the working world, I came crashing down. This time I would prepare myself and visited work two or three times and called frequently just to make sure that everything was okay while I was out. I know I didn't have to really do this, it was unnecessary (work wise) but very necessary for me.

As the weeks went by, and you know how fast that goes, I kept feeling more and more overwhelmed and up to the two weeks before my FMLA ended, I cried everyday. I cried the two weeks after returning to work. It has been a really hard transition and you would think that this being my second time going through this would make things easier but it was almost worse. All those feelings of guilt that I fought so hard not to feel with Elliot came rushing back as if they were inside of me just waiting for the perfect moment, as I knew exactly what they were.

I'm three weeks in and that although I feel better, I'm still so overwhelmed. I came back to so many changes at work, other family matters, the dynamic at home has drastically changed (of course) and I knew it would, but I feel that I'm always trying to catch up and I can't. It's always like a scene from Home Alone, you know, when they sleep in and have to get ready before the plane leaves. Shower, get ready, make breakfast for Jack and I, get diaper bag, pump, coffees, bottles, wake kids up, get Oliver ready, get Elliot ready, Elliot is hungry, make pancakes, do Elliot's hair, he doesn't want his hair done, run after him to run wet hands over hair so that he doesn't leave looking like Beetlejuice, get out the door later than you should have, practically drive by daycare and drop them off while your foot is on the gas pedal, you get the drill. Rinse, repeat the next day. And the next. And the next. The weekend comes and it's all about trying to catch up on house work, laundry, errands, all while trying to get quality time in with our kids. Whew, it's exhausting, and so overwhelming. Anxiety kicks in. I'm sure a routine will kick in, and Jack and I do get a good laugh out of it sometimes when we are carpooling to work.

At this point, you're probably thinking that I'm whining, bitching, whatever you want to call it. I assure you I am not. It's my life now. I know that you're going to say, you CHOSE this. Yes, I did. I can promise you I wouldn't change it for the world, I'm just being real and giving you a glimpse of that reality. Also, because I won't lie, it feels so good to leave these words right here. Where one day I'll come back and read and think what the hell was I thinking? Things weren't as bad as I thought they were! Maybe even laugh. Trust me I get it, my kids are healthy and happy and I'm so lucky to be their mama, I have an amazing husband, a wonderful and supportive family (I really have no clue what I would do without them) why am I writing this then? I know I'm not the only one feeling this way. It feels good to know that, but then it doesn't. I hate that fact that there are other moms feeling this way, but I know that reading other's stories helps. I know it helps me. This is my struggle as a working mom being away from my kids eight or nine hours a day, but a struggle that I wouldn't change. I am providing for my family the best I can, I am teaching my kids that independence is so important, and I have a job that allows me to do all of that, that also makes me make the hours at work count.

My coping mechanisms are to think about those things and also to talk about my feelings. If I'm overwhelmed I don't hide it, one because I can't (every emotion shows on my face), and two because I know it's not healthy. I know these feelings will probably never go away but learning to deal with them is important. I didn't write this to make you feel sorry for me, to pity me. It's my struggle and I want to share my story. Not nearly as bad as what others go through but to me, it's still valid. We go through different things at different levels, and no matter what, they're all valid. Life is so good and beautiful and we can do this mamas!

How do you deal?

I Am Heart Shaped

For today's post, instead of giving you an update on my pregnancy, I want to tell you a story.

With this second pregnancy, I truly expected everything to go normal just as it did with Elliot's. His was a breeze compared to this one in every sense of the word. I was sick only a few times, tired yes, but mostly able to function and ate everything in sight- literally.

I know everyone says every pregnancy is different, and boy that couldn't be more true for me. Jack and I went to the very first sonogram to hear the baby's heartbeat and to get the first picture. I had both a belly and an internal ultrasound. I think I was about eight weeks pregnant. We heard the heartbeat then saw the little gummy bear, but not before the tech broke the news that I had a bicornuate uterus. Huh? A what?

When I was seventeen, I went to the doctor for a checkup and he had mentioned that I had a uterus shaped differently but never said how, or gave me any explanation. I left it at that.

Back with the ultrasound tech, I asked, what is that? He then mentioned that I basically had a split uterus or heart shaped as it is informally referred to. He double and triple checked, and yeap, he confirmed. I was taken aback because if I remember correctly, he was actually the same tech that I had when I was pregnant with Elliot! I'm not sure why it hadn't been discovered before.

He let my doctor know what was going on, but we didn't get to talk to him since he was called in to a c-section. We went in the following Monday and that's when we sat down with him and he explained my condition. We wouldn't know if my uterus is completely split in half or a true heart shaped one unless I undergo an MRI which is something that isn't in my plans. He also said that this pregnancy is considered high risk as with this type of uterus, the baby usually doesn't have enough room to grow, sometimes the pregnancy doesn't develop, or premature birth can occur. A bicornuate uterus is the product of a malformation when I was in my mom's uterus, isn't that insane? The human body is mind blowing!

That actually explains a lot now with Elliot's pregnancy. He was a little bit early and weighed only 5lb. 7oz. I had the worst contractions and couldn't control the pain; I had to undergo an emergency c-section. My doctor went back to Elliot's ultrasounds and we found out that he developed on the left side of my uterus and this baby boy is on the right side. Craziness I tell you.

I was so relieved when Jack told the doctor that we wanted to see this pregnancy as normal and not high risk, why have the added worry? I already delivered one healthy baby without having all of this information about my body. We already have so much to worry about as it is, we don't need or want any extra. We leave it in God's hands. The doctor agreed with us but said that I still needed to go see a specialist and continue to go till the end of my pregnancy. Just to make sure me and the baby are okay.

We had a scare where I had some spotting and cramping that lasted a few days, but after a quick visit to the doctor, both of us are doing great.

So there you have it, I have a heart shaped uterus that is carrying a second baby and so far so good, thank God!

Do any of you have this or any other condition that you found out about until you were expecting? A second baby nonetheless? :)

Elliot Lately.

I haven't done a post on this little monkey lately so I thought I would sum up the last couple of months in one post.

So much has been going on with this boy as far as how much he is developing and what a little clown he's been! He seriously lights up our days and also makes us pull our hair out. ;)

He's officially twenty-two months! He will be two in January and of course I have already started the planning for his party. 

He is so full of energy that my brain can't quite comprehend how he's still going at eight at night when he's had his bath and is ready for bed. One minute he's drinking his milk and the next he's up jumping on the bed. It can be exhausting but the way he makes us laugh makes up for it. 

We have been implementing time-outs and we have had quite a few. Sometimes I cannot help but go and hug him because he will be sitting there, sometimes crying, and he will look at me and tell me "sowwy" in the sweetest voice. Ugh this kid! He knows exactly what he's doing to his mama's heart. It works really well with Jack too. ;)

He's so feisty and knows exactly what he wants. That can be a problem and it goes back to our being able to be at a store for fifteen minutes max. I tried just letting him be and when we need to go to another aisle or part of the store (or wherever we are) we tell him to say bye bye to whatever he's doing and go with us. Most of the time it works, sometimes it doesn't.

Silliness is in his blood. We are such dorks and are joking with each other half of the time and Elliot is the same. We scold him and he will bust out some moves to make us laugh, say something funny, or just look us straight in the eye and smile, giggle, touch our faces, whatever he thinks will work. He makes everyone laugh and when he doesn't make it to daycare, the girls miss him so much! They tell us he's the one who makes them laugh and keeps their day interesting. No doubt there!

I know I say he's very opinionated and feisty but he's also the most loving kid! Every single place we go he makes an impression. We get told that he's a very special kid, and he is! He will go up to a complete stranger and stand there until they turn around to say hi to him. He shakes hands, gives fist bumps, high fives and in some instances (cashier at Home Goods) kisses! I know, he's my kid, I have to brag about him a little! Or a lot. :)

He will point at us and say mama, dada then point at himself and say Elliot. Heart melted.

He can tell you the ABC's, numbers in Spanish and English, with help of course, and working on that has been so much fun! It's something he loves to do. When he wants to do it. Colors on the other hand have been harder! He will say something is blue twice in a row then when he picks it up again he says it's green. He will get there. 

He's still eating pretty good but sometimes goes on eating strikes. I have to tell him I'm going to eat his food or actually eat a spoonful and say "yummy" a million times so that he can then eat it. He can still eat a thousand bananas in one sitting and drink gallons of milk.

Now he says "I love you" and I will never get tired of asking him to say it. It sounds more like "I lah yuuuu" and I love it and him. He sees Jack and I hugging and immediately says "hug" arms wide open waiting for hugs from each of us. We also love when he goes up to us to hug our legs. He's the sweetest!

I will give him a pen and paper (doodling is one of his favorite activities with a pen, just like Jack, go figure) he sits down and yells "guys, guys!!" Once he has our attention, he swears he's writing his name as he says "Eeeelliooot". If that's not the cutest thing ever, I don't know what is.

There's so much more to my boy but I won't bore you with a book! So more in another post. :)

I'll bore you with some pics instead. ;)

Happy Friday!