I guess when you have a family and a baby you really realize what family is all about. It shouldn't be about the little bullshit things. Can't we look at the bigger picture and let go of the insignificant stuff? I guess it just doesn't work that way. We will always have people and obstacles in life that want to prevent us from being happy and enjoying our lives like we should. Sometimes distance is better to let the heart heal, to let happiness come through and show you what life is really about.
This year having a family of my own made me see the way things need to be. I used to let things get to me, people, bullshit, now they don't. My dad always will though. I will always miss him, his jokes, his Christmas cooking (he made the best turkey & a made-from-scratch fruit punch you wouldn't believe), his advice, everything. This will be Elliot's first Christmas and I really wish he could be here to experience that moment with him.
Sometimes I'll be looking into space with Elliot in my arms and Jack will ask me "what's wrong?" and I say nothing, well this is it, I'm thinking about all of this, then I think about how much I love our little family that will hopefully get to grow soon.
Anyway, I think it's also the fact that this year flew by and my little baby will be turning one next month. ONE. How did that happen? I will say that above all of this, I am really excited to be with my little family Christmas morning and watch Elliot open his gifts, throw his toys aside and play with the boxes. And maybe also all the depressing Christmas music? Have you listened to some of the songs? I'll stick to my malt shop classics & Mariah Carey. ;)
Let's really enjoy this season and let's not let anyone or anything get in the way of that. Let's be Merry!! ;)
My hubby & this baby make absolutely everything better.
I can relate to this so much. It is so hard to miss someone who has done you so wrong. My Dad has done so many hurtful things that can never be erased and it makes me angry when I miss him. But no matter what he will always be your Dad and you will always have those few special memories. Praying for strength for you and your family!
ReplyDeleteI took the time to read your story (something I almost NEVER do) and my heart breaks for you. My Dad has done some major wrongs to us in my life. He comes around, but only occasionally. I can't tell you how many times I've looked up at God and asked him why I couldn't have a normal family with a normal Dad who wanted to NORMAL things. I've learned to accept that my Dad has been the same person for his whole life and he won't be changing for me anytime soon. I remember once when I was 10, I sat down and asked my Dad to choose me or beer. He flat out told me he couldn't do that and that I was silly for asking. Even though it might seem like such a mediocre thing that moment sticks in my memory. I am so sorry that the Holidays are making you think about this. You are beautiful, your family is beautiful, your son is BEAUTIFUL. Sometimes, nothing else matters then who you have beside you at that moment. Thinking of you and hoping you can see some positives from such a bad experience:(
ReplyDeleteThinking about you and your family! Situations like that are so painful. Sending lots of merry Christmas thoughts your way!
ReplyDeleteWent back and read and will be thinking of you guys over the holidays. I know that must be rough.
ReplyDeleteI read your story awhile back, and my heart breaks for you. I know it must be really hard to deal especially right now. And I think it's totally normal to feel the way you do. Kuddos to you though, for choosing happiness. You are a strong mama! <3
ReplyDeleteSorry about what you have to deal with with your dad. Just focus on your family that is near and dear. Your little one is so cute! Love his style and you have some major decorating skills. I'm light weight stalking your blog : ).
ReplyDeleteOh honey, I just read your story about what happened and my heart is breaking for you. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this and I can imagine how hard it must be around the holidays. I'll be praying for a little peace and comfort for you this holiday season. Hang in there.
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